She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
