hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
