I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
