Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
