I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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