Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
