they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
