A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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