I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
