You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize