yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
