So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize