the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
