I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
