i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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