You really coming over, don't trick.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
