Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
