That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
