how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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