oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize