Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
