No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sober January is a disaster.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
