absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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