the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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