some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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