Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
