the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
3pm strippers are depressing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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