I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
