Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
