some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
