He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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