it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
