he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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