I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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