smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
