She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
