Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found the puke drawer
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
