remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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