you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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