i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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