Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize