Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
