just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
