my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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