im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
