New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
