am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
