Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
