I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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