He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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