I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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