If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
