I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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