bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
