Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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