I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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