he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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