My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
