He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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