The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
