she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
