I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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