maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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