direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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