didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
