It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
