The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize