Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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