And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
