Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
