Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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