She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
