I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
