Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
