hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
