it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
