I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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