I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
