five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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