Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
