I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize