Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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