Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
