Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
