She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
