I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bet he comes in French.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
