Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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