Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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