there's paper in my vomit.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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