I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
