I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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