I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
