i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
