The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize